Life after The Break-up
Getting back to yourself seems nearly impossible after a long term relationship. Breakups, whether it’d be a mutual agreement or unexpected, will leave one person, if not both, feeling heartbroken. I recently ended a three-year relationship and to spare the details, it ended because we grew apart. I’ll be completely honest, it took me a while to end this chapter of my life because I was worried about others’ opinions and his feelings before considering my own. I constantly battled with thoughts like ‘what if I never love again’. Once I finally found the confidence to not worry about the critics and paid attention to what my heart was telling me, I was able to let go.
I’m not one to be consumed with relationships but I’ll be the first to admit, I quickly felt lonely. My ex and I had a routine, so once we parted ways I was discombobulated. A person that I had spent three years of my life with, I suddenly felt like I no longer knew. Although our relationship was far from perfect, I had birthed a child with him and I felt like that we would always be a family. There were many things I dealt with before we dated and while we were together so to myself, I wondered why I didn’t feel free and relieved now that I had walked away. My subconscious mind did not want to let go of the ideal life that I had mapped for us. Regardless of the things that we had been through, it pained me to give up on something that I wanted not only for myself but for my son.
I had to have a “come to Jesus” moment with myself and had to realize that just because I’m single, I don’t have to feel lonely. What came from my breakup? I fell back in love with myself and I voided all thoughts of not being capable of love again. Now, I’m not saying that I didn’t love myself during the relationship. I am just one of those people that pours from an empty cup and love with no limits and it causes me to lose sight of what I actually desire. I accepted some things that were harmful to my self-esteem (this is a disclosure that this post is in no way meant to tarnish his character but to be transparent). With wounded self-esteem, it became hard for me to love ME without loving someone first. I didn’t want to participate in casual dating, failed talking stages, getting played, or just pointless conversing with guys. I wanted to heal (still healing) so that I don't carry extra baggage into my next relationship.
For the first few months, I found myself doing what made me feel alive and happy - during all of it, I realized that I had made the best decision for myself and my son. For most people, the healing or breakup stage is not as easy as mine has been. We both agreed that we didn’t like what we were becoming together and apart. The months I spent contemplating before I was actually ready to end that chapter of my life, allowed me to prepare myself. Please believe that once you walk away from someone that is no longer serving you, know that one day you will heal and love again.
How have you handled breakups? Share your healing process with us.
