The Rebirth
Photographed by Denisha McCauley-Young
Consistency is something I’ve struggled with my entire life. I never gave a project 100% of my time or effort. Jokingly, I'll state that I'm a lazy person stuck in a hustler's body, but there is so much truth behind that. I want so much, but it is so hard for me to work for it. As a teenager, I was never required to do more, as long as I was doing what met the requirements that were acceptable. I believe the traits that I formed while in my earlier years carried over with me into my adult years. It's like one day I’m so dedicated, I’m not sleeping until the task is done but once that fire burns out, I’m back to let my goals be just that...Goals.
When I decided to start TWYN in 2017, I was probably experiencing some of the best times of my life. I had purchased a car on grade A credit, I moved into my first studio apartment, I had a great job and etc. I was truly on a high! I got the idea to launch a blog to use my personal experiences to inspire people. Without much guidance or preparation, I rushed the process and started to create my website on Weebly. On my 21st birthday, I launched TWYN and I felt as if I was soaring. And then it happened. That fire that was once burning inside me for my brand had blown out. I started engaging in relationships that had no substance, didn’t help me in my spirituality and I was seriously being a City Girl. I began losing sight of my purpose and with viewers dropping because of my inconsistency, I pulled out and went completely ghost.
In the summer of 2017 I found out I was pregnant with my Son, and with that, I had so many emotions. After finally deciding that I would carry out my pregnancy and have Caisen, I decided that this may be the perfect time to start writing again. After a few blog posts about pregnancy, and a couple of uplifting testimonials, that same fire was burned out yet again. I was completely perplexed, why was something I thought I wanted to do so bad, so hard to keep up with? I planned, came back, and left and then I planned again and quickly repeated the same cycle. I couldn’t execute a consistent comeback. I grew discouraged but the constant pick me ups of people asking “where are the blog posts? I looked forward to reading them.” reminded me that just because it wasn’t working right now, I knew that one day I would be back blogging again.
After launching the private all women’s Facebook group, I was reminded yet again that this was my calling. I can’t even recall a specific number of how many people thanked me for creating a SAFE space for them to be vulnerable and it be okay. I had reached 1000 members in less than a week, I was truly outdone and completely grateful that so many people trusted the space I created for us. Not long after launching the Facebook group, I lost a very important part of me, my cousin, Kendrick King. I fell into a depression that made me abandon my group and the process of revamping my blog. Not only did the smoke start after the fire burned out, it began suffocating me with thoughts of feeling as if that writing was no longer for me. I had tried ignoring my depression but after so long, I lost control. With that, I publicly announced that I was done until further notice.
I told myself I just needed a month, a month turned into two and so on. Then... this damn pandemic came, it sat me down. I was forced with my thoughts and I was forced to get in tune. I sat down and I talked with God, I asked him to guide me and that I would follow his lead so that I could be a vessel. After some time of talking to him, he answered me and that is when I decided that this rebrand of TWYN, would also be the rebirth of myself. I unleashed a woman that learned to replace old bad habits with new. One that learned that if you’re not serious about your brand, no one will be. I learned to be present and I had to understand that I cannot control everything. I became a woman who does not allow hard times to make her lose sight of her vision but makes her put glasses on and focus. I am that woman today and as long as I can inspire at least one person, to take what they need… that is one more than enough for me.
